“It’s
Perfectly Normal,” the go-to guide for teenagers and adults on
adolescent sexual health and development, was first published 20 years
ago, in 1994. Fifteen years ago, the author Robie H. Harris and the
illustrator Michael Emberly followed it with “It’s So Amazing,”
subtitled “A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies and Families” (what
else could you even need to know?).
Between “It’s
Perfectly Normal,” “It’s So Amazing” and their book for younger
children, “It’s Not the Stork,” Ms. Harris and her colleague have been
talking sex and kids for years — all to help parents and professionals
talk about sex with kids, and to give children and teenagers an
honest, accurate resource for the questions they don’t ask. Both “It’s
Perfectly Normal” and “It’s So Amazing” are out in new, updated editions
this fall. I asked Ms. Harris to tell me what’s changed in the books —
and in her conversations with children, teenagers and parents — over the
years.
Some things about sex,
birth and everything before, after and in between will always stay the
same (think masturbation and menstruation), but in some areas, the past
two decades have meant real change. “It’s Perfectly Normal” has a new
explanation of surrogacy and a much-expanded section on our online
world, with discussions of sexting and online bullying. “It’s So
Amazing” has an expanded section on Internet safety as well.
“The major change I’ve
seen has to do with how kids get their information,” Ms. Harris said.
“Kids understand both the benefits of finding really great information
on the Internet and the fact that you can have misinformation. We
encourage them to check with a trusted adult — someone in your life who
can give you accurate information or steer you to it.”
“It’s Perfectly
Normal” also expands its discussion of sexual identity beyond homosexual
and heterosexual to include, and define, the now-common acronym
L.G.B.T. (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender), and it slightly expands a
chapter on sexual abuse to add a discussion of the word “harass.” In
both cases, it’s not that things have changed, but that we’ve changed in
the way we talk about it. “That’s the language that makes sense,” Ms.
Harris said. “That’s what they hear. Kids need to have the information
they need to understand what’s going on and treat everyone
respectfully.”
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I’ve long loved “It’s
So Amazing” for making that sometimes difficult but inevitable question
of childhood “Where do babies come from?” just another matter-of-fact
inquiry. The answer may feel emotional, complex and awkward to an adult,
but to a child, it can just be fascinating. The glorious, life-sized
image of the fetus in the womb, and all the smaller images leading up to
it, answer so many questions. It’s a book my children have passed
around and pored over for years (now enjoying a renewed popularity
because of a pregnant friend). Even beyond the information, I appreciate
the diversity of the illustrations. All kinds of people, in every size
and shape imaginable, appear in the most ordinary ways.
“It’s Perfectly
Normal” applies the same fact-based tone to sexuality that’s gone from
the abstract (that’s what’s happening) to the personal (that’s what’s
happening inside me). It too is wonderful, although fewer parents will
find themselves reading it side by side with curious children. Reading
it as an adult can make it easier to take that same factual tone and
approach with our teenagers and preteenagers, who need us to broach some
hard subjects, whether it’s sexual abuse or what to do with unexpectedly dirty sheets.
“It’s hard to do for a
lot of parents,” Ms. Harris said. “Some of the information is
complicated. You’re talking to your own kids about sexuality. But take a
deep breath and go in, and if you didn’t start when your child was 3,
that’s O.K. When you’re talking about sexuality, the things that are
healthy and normal or the things we know are not healthy and normal,
like H.I.V. or early pregnancy, it’s a wonderful time to talk about your
own values. Someone may disagree with what I wrote. They can say, ‘This
is what our family believes. This is what this author wrote. This is
what your friends may believe.’ They can start the conversation.”
If that’s a
conversation you’re looking to start, these books, with their
science-based, rigorously researched approach, make for solid footing on
which to begin. “You can say, ‘I read this book. I thought it was
interesting. I didn’t know that the egg was the largest cell in the
human body,’ or something like that,” Ms. Harris suggests. “Some kids
will say ‘I know all that’. Others will take the book. Some will pretend
not to be interested. Parents tell me they just leave it somewhere and
then suddenly it’s gone. Just let your kids know they can come and talk
to you about it. Some will, some won’t.”
And, of course, either way is perfectly normal.
“It’s Perfectly
Normal” Text Copyright © 1994, 2004, 2009 and 2014 by Bee Productions
Inc. Illustrations copyright © 1994, 2004, 2009 and 2014 by Bird
Productions Inc. Reproduced by permission of the publisher, Candlewick
Press, Somerville, Mass.
“It’s So
Amazing” Text Copyright © 1999, 2004 and 2014 by Bee Productions Inc.
Illustrations copyright © 1999, 2004 and 2014 by Bird Productions Inc.
Reproduced by permission of the publisher, Candlewick Press, Somerville,
Mass.
